Saturday, September 16, 2006
such a horrible person i am.i spoilt the supposedly BIG-day.i thought i could put everything aside, but i failed.thanks for those who attempted to spoil it, you did it.it was a struggle between the mixed feeling. i lost.i was supposed to be the happiest person on earth on that very day, but im not.tears were shed for the unworthy ones.if its about expectation, please say that im a perfectionist.if its about situtaion, i totally got everything out of hand.if its about feeling, sorry that i failed to manage it well enough.i tried my very best to wear the mask that i put on for so long,strong and tough i appeared as, but it didnt stay still as long i want it to be.i wish i could run away from all these, but im not allowed to.i promise that you would not want to see the other side of me.would you be able to accept me?i fear the arrival of that day, but it came before i even know how to handle it.i want to prove that im not vulnerable. i did it. but not on that very day.when i actually got so affected by the tiniest thing, by the most unworthy one on earth.do i deserve this? if yes, thank you so much. so much.if everything is in pieces, mine is worse than the most shattered one.i have yet to found the truth. you were never true too.you were only playing.so does that mean i was actually fooling everyone all along?if i could freeze the moment in my mind, i would have done so long ago.I'M SORRY.
