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BRUSHES. 1 2 3 4
BY. shotgun
MISC. imageshack blogger

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July 2005 August 2005 September 2005 October 2005 November 2005 December 2005 January 2006 February 2006 March 2006 April 2006 May 2006 June 2006 July 2006 August 2006 September 2006 October 2006 November 2006 December 2006 January 2007 February 2007

♥amanda W
♥ adeline
♥ alicia
♥ audrey
♥ chan ping
♥ charlene
♥ chermaine
♥ deborah(lam)
♥ deborah(lim)
♥ divinia
♥ edlin
♥ fellicia
♥ huiyi
♥ jasmine
♥ jia wen
♥ jian ann
♥ joanneG
♥ kleo
♥ mabel
♥ shili
♥ songying
♥ tabitha
♥ tessa
♥ valerie
♥ vanessa
♥ verillyn
♥ vivian
♥ xiumei
♥ yolanda

ALL OR NOTHING

I know when he's been on your mind
That distant look is in your eyes
I thought with time you'd realize it's over, over
It's not the way I choose to live
And something somewhere's gotta give
As sharing in this relationship gets older, older

You know I'd fight for you but how could I fight someone who isn't even there
I've had the rest of you now I want the best of you I don't care if that's not fair

Cos I want it all
Or nothing at all
There's nowhere left to fall
When you reach the bottom it's now or never
Is it all
Or are we just friends
Is this how it ends
With a simple telephone call
You leave me here with nothing at all

There are time it seems to me
I'm sharing you with memories
I feel it in my heart but I don't show it , show it
Then there's times you look at me
As though I'm all that you could see
Those times I don't believe it's right I know it , know it

Don't make me promises baby you never did know how to keep them well
I had the rest of you now
I want the best of you it's time to show and tell
Cos I want it all
Or nothing at all
There's nowhere left to fall
When you reach the bottom it's now or neverIs it all
Or are we just friends
Is this how it endsWith a simple telephone call
You leave me here with nothing at all...

words are in the lyrics, not all though.
but i dont really wish to say anything now, if you could get what i mean from there. its enough. really.

sorry people, my previous post had caused alot of misunderstandings.
but its really not very nice for me to leave who im referring.
im afraid of something, GOSSIP.
alright, if you think im referring to you. it must be you. dont have doubts.


12.58pm. thanks for everything. purest love from me.

madness.

so i went yishun ytd.
the fare was .... but not i pay, so was(: LOL
went to eat the famous blabla there, it was filling.
but, perhaps im just not feeling well. so it was a real bad experience.
still went over to help mum last night.
i really love walking in the street like ard 1? everything was nice.
then theres this **** who vomitted at the coffeeshop. rahh
i clean it. becos i just not want my mum to do those dirty stuff.
then we went to eat prawn mee after work. AWESOME aye. cheap and nice. HAHAH
the chat goes on and ... ZZz ard 6+.

alright. wayne got into the final of the MR FRESHY looking thing.
though i find it was real funny. but still hope he will win aye. LOL
anyw, the poly life of his was so ... HAHAHAH.
to wayne: hurry not my brother. im sure you will find your MRS WAYNE one day.
i love your positive-minded alright(:

so many things, i didnt bother. and i do not wish to bother either.
cos, it will always have the same ending. dont you agree?
its just the matter of time.
perhaps it will change over time.
i dont want to predict. cos im always right? my *** excuse.
maybe things will end even without us realising it. or maybe, it has alr ended. deep in, we all know.

I WANNA BE SELFISH, COS I REALLY HATE TO SHARE CERTAIN THING.
I ADMITTED! SEE THIS, GET IT? (:

3.19pm. that song, wu ding.

finally.

after "everything", it just seems so different.
feeling? maybe.
i just realised so much. and FINALLY, i accepted the fact.
i felt the way i have treated you, was also different.
guess im not wrong to do that. cos since when you have treated that well?
yea, take the advice of loving myself more.
alright. perhaps lets not think further, and leave things as what it is. thats what we've always said right?
i know my presence didnt make much of the difference in the first place.
the fact is you no longer need to be there. hahah

you can continue avoiding me. im so so so used to it alr.
im just tired and not feel like doing anything.
if youre happy this way, i'll be too.

alright. those thing up there are just some personal stuff.
you can skip it if you want..
but if you have read it, SORRY if i have make you guys puzzled. really sorry.

listening to brian mcknight's one last cry.
no longer that emo. perhaps its becos of the atmosphere? i dont know.
anyhows, it was once my FAV song(:

im glad i got you.
if only you happen to read this,
thanks for everything.
esp those words. and the 20mins massage just now. AWESOME.
i really hope im willing to just do anything. for you? as promised.
thanks for always waiting for the bus155 with me. APPRECIATED(:

8.21pm. i'll be taking exam 24hrs later..

ohh well, the talk was not bad.
but not the time when she grab my arms. its so tight. i felt as though its gonna break.
and i emphasize, its more than once.
zhong zhong was so kind that she even offered me to share her lunchbox with her.
still, i prefer to eat peppermints choc chip ice-cream in the rain. hahaha

erm, fellicia said my blog wasnt that screwed.
but the feeling of coming to my own blog isnt that much alr. i even thought of abandoning it.
her tagboard damn funny lahh, someone confessed the love for her. LOL!
well, i think it really took great courage. i admire that person's courage but not at the right place eh :X


9.22pm. that night..

rahh.

i can only type like that for the time being.
cos my blog is so screwed up.
perhaps i'll do smt to it when im really free aye.
so just bear with it for the time being..

erm, a talk which i never expect.
zhong zhong came to me today, wrote a small little note, saying that she wanna talk to me.
so after chemistry test, i went to her office and the talk begin.
it reminded me so much of my sec 1 life.
i had a talk with her 3 yrs ago.
everything is about the same.
but this time round, i said my point of views and stuff.
dont know why. she seems to understand my situation pretty well.
about 70% of her content was so true. so me.
shes right. im a perfectionist.
but come to think again, that was me so long ago.
now, i no longer want everything to be perfect.
eg. family, result, friends and so much more.
i think it in a different way now. expect much lesser than before.
so many many advices she gave me.
i prefer to talk to her like that.
rather than she beat around the bush. cos if she did that in class, everyone knew that shes referring to me.
perhaps it time to stop some of my foolish doings and do the right thing at the right time.
people that has been with me for these past few years would know what im talking about.
thats me, a person who need someone to knock me constantly to stay "awake".
she reminded me the promise ive made, to my mum.
yes, what have i been doing all these while? its time to reflect. time to wake up.
those people, those scenerios she said was so true.
how much do they worth? that was the question she kinda asked.
speechless, i went total silent. stuck.
she may be an irritant to so many people, but i really got to thank her for the talk today.
i know i was really bad to her. my attitude and stuff. that was what i was told by chermaine wee. alright. i'll kept to the promise ive made, and not be like that. but provided she dont provoke me.
what should i say now.
i must not be that STUPID PERSON SHE MENTIONED.
dont know how long will this last.
anyhows, you guys will agree with me if you were there at the talk.
shall stop and makan.

IM IN LOVE WITH THE PEPPERMINT CHIPS ICE-CREAM WITH BREAD NOW. peppermint, the nice memory behind...

7.03pm. once again, you degrade yourself.

ALL thanks to fellicia seow. NOW I GOT SOMETHING TO BLOG..

1. Fellicia
2. Amanda Wing
3. Mabel
4. Joanne Guo
5. Dawn Koh
6. Mulan
7. Yan Bing
8. Wayne
9. Chermaine
10. Yolanda
11. Gladys
12. JJ
13. Jian Ann
14. Siantzu
15. Haur
16. Yvonee
17. Hui Ting
18. Candice
19. Changli
20.Tabitha

Questions!

1. How did you meet 14?
(Siantzu) Prefects' installation. but had alr met her a few times before we even know each other. haha

2. What would you do if you've never met 1?
(Fellicia) I've never thought of that. LOL

3. What would you do if 20 and 9 dated?
(Tabitha & Chermaine) bless them. BEST COUPLE man! both loves sports!

4. Did you ever like 19?
(Changli) i like him as a friend, cos he's forever there to hear my problems(:

5. Would 6 and 17 make a good couple?
( Mulan & Hui Ting ) DEFINITELY. cos both are nice angels ard.

6. Describe 3.
(Mabel) SKINNY?! LAKSA FREAKO. MRS XZZ?! hahah

7. Do you think 8 is attractive?
(Wayne) yes, when he sleep. cos he will drool alot and SNORE loudly!! lovely. LOL

8. Tell me something about 7.
(Yan Bing) Forever CHEERFUL. hahaha

9. Do you know any of 12's family?
(JJ) seriously. i cant name anyone that i dont know.

10. What's 8's favourite?
(Wayne) he's bugis girl lor. and JING SHU? LOL

11. What would you do if 18 just confessed he/she likes you?
(Candice) I'll play JI KO PAH with her for life. haha

12. What language does 15 speak?
(Haur) Some weird language that i dont understand. BAKA!! (;

13. Who is 9 going out with?
(Chermaine) Single. but if no one wants her, i'll take her. LOL.

14. How old is 16 now?
(Yvonee) my KINDERGARDEN FRIEND! LOL. currently 15+

When's the last time you talked to 13?
(Jian ann) last night? IN HER TAGBOARD/ MSN? i dunno. haha

16. What is 2's favourite band/singer?
(Amanda Wing) Avril Lavigne

17. Would you ever date 4?
(Joanne Guo) i dont think so. LOL. we're always hot and cold towards each other.

18. Would you ever date 7?
(Yan Bing) NO lah. she got her "quack quack". jk eh.

19. Is 15 single?
(Haur) YES. nice guy. haha *hints

20. What is 10's last name?
(Yolanda) Ern? I LOVE HER NAME aye.

21. Would you ever be in a serious relationship with 11?
(Gladys) since when that we are not serious. LOL

22. What school does 3 go to?
(Mabel) my classmate leh.

23. Where does 6 live?
(Mulan) IN MY HEART.

24. What's your fav thing about 5?
(Dawn Koh) her wig?! no lah. HAHA. SHE'S ALWAYS THERE TO KNOCK ME UP!

25. Have you seen number 1 naked?
(Fellicia) in my dream? ! LMAO

doctor say i cant go school. cos i will pass it to my friends.
so for these few days. i have stayed at home and not go any where.
yes. got it from madeline.
fever, cough. and so much more that i do not wish to name. rahh.
alright. that stupid quiz above had alr took me 1 hour to complete.
got to go now. NEED TO take medicine and Zzzz.

1.22pm.the cruel fact that i need to accept.

..

time passes real fast. so fast that i dont even have the chance to do what i want.
so yah. what do you expect me to say.
i really hate to talk to you when youre going to fall asleep. its makes no difference talking to corpse alright. and you expect me to talk to you WHEN IM SLEEPING.
its just ended off with a BYE BYE. what is this?!

and whats wrong with me.
i cant stop myself from doing some of the things now. its out of control.
things that i dont want to say. i blah it all out. i dont want to vent out my anger at any one of you. but certain things are just ... arhhh

chermaine wee aka nestie, my pri 6 partner. hahaha
well, believe or not. you are really my LIVING BLOG.
thanks for all your understanding.
yes, i know you are OPEN-MINDED now. hahaha. i truly believe it alr.
thanks for your straightforwardness, like me. hah
okay, whoever and me.. yes. ITS OVER. thanks for reminding. its all in the past.

anyw, i dont think im putting any pictures, cos its just repeating. yah.
ytd, was a blah blah day which i dont feel like remembering. rahh..
okay. to that forever nice person, thanks for wishing me ytd. LAME alright. * more months. you still got time to save money for that day okay. no worries. its the thought that counts aye. haha

8.17pm. its not love nor like anymore

it has ended.

i will miss it. i SWEAR!
im already so used to it.
but, it ended off so (:-ly. so i got not much of regrets.
tell me, how will everyday be like now. rahh
its a mixed feeling.

like what youve said, we'll meet some other day.
and my fav line, we'll meet one day. SO WE WILL. i believe.

pictures..



AMANDAWING, my best ever ex-partner. LOVES<3


1.17am. the short sweetness feeling..

i just hope to see you well.
my only wish. and i really dont ask for more.
yes, that's how much you meant to me.

stay on that moment.

...

its a feeling that no will understand unless he/she went through it.
just whats the matter with me?
im not talking to sense, wasnt kind to some.
but somehow i felt that its rather fair.
why would i say that? go think about it.
just what did you regarded me as?
experience it now.
alright. but still, i wish to apologize here.
the abnormal me today.
went lunch even though im not hungry.
called someone who i just spoken to, right in the face.
rahh. its just not me.

grandmum has been abnormal these few days too.
i dont know why she scream and nag so much.
really dont know how long can i stand it aye.

mum has not been feeling well these few days.
so what if i went to help her on saturday?
i think its not enough.
what else can i do?

5.12pm. me, with a empty heart

Friday

i love friday. everyone know the reason aye. HAHA.
didnt go out even though we planned it.
perhaps i was right, never plan it. cos the ending wouldnt be good.
well, just forget about the going out today la. rahh.
took bus home with tyb. FUNNY eh.
the wig guy! and after all the crapping, went siglap's mac.
so nice of her wanting to accompany me home, but because theres ppl at home, so we went mac instead. haha
more crap and so on.. LOL!

PICTURES that took ages to upload..














realised our eyes are closed most of the time? EYEBAGS! boo!
alright. im chatting with joanne guo while blogging.
she seems rather pissed with me.
well, she's interesting eh? started to chat with me, then tell me to stop talking to her. LOL
hmm, i still prefer to chat with joanne chen. my nice buddy! hahah
alright. im gonna SOAK myself in the bath-tub now(:

9.00pm. be the hero in my heart.

madness

RAINY SEASON?
my shoe seems to get wet everyday.
and the moment i stepped into the house, my grandmum will always ask the same old sentence:" where's your umbrella?"
the answer: " its in my bag"
well, i just like to walk in the rain. kinda enjoyed it alot.
the consequence, headache and fever in the night.
and it will just make me miss that bowl of scallop porridge..
but you'll never know how much i missed the time when you and i run in the rain.

so today was kinda family gathering.
but i dont know why. i stayed in the room until everyone went back.
anti-social? im not. but just felt like resting in the room and not talk to anyone. they will be forever repeating:" this year O-level right?''. somehow, i just feel like telling them, i think i have repeated myself more than 5 times aye.
so its O-level year. but im still in the lala land. doing nth.
somehow, i couldnt recall a single thing that ive done. the cycle will just go on and on. i dont know what i want. dont know what im actually thinking.
anyw,mum was so sick, so she didnt come.
well, i felt guilty. cause i cant do anything. i only get to see her once in a week. just hope the person who is sick is me. really.

anyhows, if anyone see a RED BILLABONG PENCIL-BOX, please tell me.
yes. i lost it in school.
i hope i could find it.
i'll reward the person who found it alright. i promise(:

it has come to a point that i dont know how to be frank with you.
sometimes, i just dont want to hear so much about you.
sometimes, i just turned away and pretend not to see it.
i bet you realised it aye.
maybe, it doesnt matter anymore.

10.06pm. its fate

the first time.

well, kleo tan finally read my blog, which means i can update my blog now.
yes, a promise ive made. LOL

for the first time, the weekend was so peaceful.
little achievement that there is no argument and stuff.
im already contented. satisfied.
you might be wondering why do i even want to blog about it.
well, i just hope to rmb the nice weekend. HAHAH. madness of me eh?






OMG?! who is that nutcase who own so many many uni-ball pens?
PS:please dont be angry if you happen to see these pictures. hahah

mum and i fell sick at the same time.
but anyhows, it was really sweet when we care for each other.
so like last weekend, after we ate the fishball noodle, ang fetch us home.
unforgettable love(:
the light was turn off at 5.30am this time round. hahah

just felt like saying this, when youre sad. iamtoo.
to that person who might not be feeling good now aye.
SMILE(:

11.47pm. i wish it was me. and not anyone else.